Well, now let's talking about the meeting point: where the magic happens.
You meet someone. You start talking with them, finding out about their hobbies, exchanging each other's pasts, and sharing your kinds of music. You start to examine their whole: the way they walk, the sound of their laugh, or the t-shirt they have worn twice. And then you grow feelings. No, you will never be aware of what's going on until you feel there's something wrong with your day if they're not there or how much do you want the clock to tick faster on weekends. Not until you're seeing them chillin' too close with someone opposite and you hate it because it's not you.
Now your nights aren't lonely anymore. Your late-hours are not filled with the image of you scrolling down the timeline: it will be you getting tired on thumbs for typing too often. While walking towards the school gate, there will be someone being your tail, holding your bag while you're holding theirs. You will be asked for what you're gonna eat on break time, then you will ask for another spoon while ordering. You will be late for the next class because you have here and there to wander aimlessly together. You will not be a homey person anymore and get to know new places. Those ones you've never been. Those ones you've never heard of. Those ones you used to have no idea of getting there. And last, when the school's over, your shoes will know where to go, and your mouth will know whom should it throw a goodbye. You will wave at each other, then disappear with the shadows.
And then it comes the time when you realise it was the last. The last of everything. Because you know, you know that today, tomorrow, or the following days after, it will never be the same again. At that moment, you will replay the days you had together, and that little regret of why didn't you do a bit much knowing that it would be the last will appear to the surface.
Sure, there will always be a reason behind the left of someone, whether it does make sense or not, it is a reason. About the promises that have been made, oh I feel so sorry because it isn't anyone's fault that it turned out to be over on account of disappointment. Everyone is so busy suffering fright caused by time, distance, new people, or fading feelings, that they are not mindful of how much the outcome of a disappointed heart would influence the castle they've built. Not as far as they know, the flames from a jealous soul could also burn out the entire thing.
So, starting from now, you will not be seeing that shuttle bus stop the same way again. The rain will make you feel hollow, and those rainy songs won't help. Nobody to share a blueberry pie with. No random stops at McDonald's. No cute, simple little surprises at your door. No farewell hugs. No sudden guest arrival at your table to snatch a spoonful of your lunch.
And the chair beside you will be empty. You will say your phone is always hushed no matter how many chats you receive just because you're not getting a single one from that one person. You will feel like you're not going home even though you're on the way home just because you go by yourself.
That's why it is very risky and dangerous to ever talk to and be with someone every single day. Because once you stop doing that, another part of you is also gone with them. Feelings wane, memories packed, but that yearning for them to fill up the blank spaces is still there, destroying you with every fragment you discontinue to get.
Because, darling, doesn't matter how well you prepared, it has never been easy to wake under a black sky only to find that the sun's no longer there.
—b, 07/1/17
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